But if you try sometimes… you get what you need…

Wise, wise words. True? I cannot say.

I think I kind of got a bit lost in the purpose of this blog. It is getting bigger than I imagined, even though it is getting more and more into me.

I wish I could write this post in a  happier and funny or sarcastic way. But not today. Today it is just going to be reflexive and sad. Because, well nothing is ever pink all the time… our rainbows are not always colorful.

When I was younger I was proud of saying that I always got what I wanted. Not really because I was spoiled, even though I really was. No. It was because I would work really, really hard to get whatever I aimed for. I wanted to get the best grades, I would get it. I wanted the part in the play, I would get it. I wanted to win a random competition, yep, I would  work as much as I could and couldn’t to get it.

And then life hit me. I started not getting all of that and things got more and more difficult. But still I worked hard and went for my aim.

And then… I didn’t get to go to Brussels in 2011, but instead I got this amazing scholarship to come and study here in England in 2012. In 2011, when I got the “no” I thought all my chances were over, but in fact, something much better was expecting me. “Just around the riverbend.”

However when talking about relationships I have always settled for my upcoming destiny of becoming the crazy lady with cats. If something better happens that will be a plus or a bonus. How can I see silver linings in my work and professional life but not in the rest?

Thinking about it and other variables I got to think. Maybe I am not getting what I want and not even looking towards what I need.

To be fair, we all have our types, our expectations, our dreams. When it becomes unreachable we just despair. And even though we look around and see opportunities we close our eyes.

I think I am kind of lost between the “I always get what I want” and refusing to think about “what I need”. We look around, we see couples, we see happy faces, we see love. I want all of that. But is that what I need right now?

Seriously… the freaking grass is always greener in the neighbour’s garden,

Have you ever considered that now it is not the time? At all? That maybe now you are not ready to deal with that? That maybe the now is the moment to enjoy other things… such as a simple conversation in a pub while watching other people walk by? Or that you have to value other small things before… before… well who knows? It could even be before being alone.

Looking more into yourself, your own wounds instead of seeing other people’s scars is much more difficult than any other thing in the world. I would say that is the reason we can give such great advices to other people, but when it comes to our own selves,… pfuit.

I don’t really know what I need, but until recently I couldn’t even say what I wanted, or why I wanted it.

Maybe I have to go through all of the things to be able to write about them. Maybe it is because I have to learn a lesson before getting it, or another unrelated thing, that is not what I want, but is definetely what I need.